Dear B: when i was 8 i got raped by the same sex friend( female) i didnt want to get her in trouble but now im 15 and im being haunted by my own mind... :'( urgh what do i do? :( 

Dear Haunted,

Please please please tell someone. A trusted adult - a friend - a therapist - a counselor - someone. I understand that you don’t want to get the person who raped you in trouble but you can’t keep on like this. What they did was wrong, regardless of who they are. Again, please tell someone. It’s not healthy to keep a secret like that, it sounds like it’s doing more harm than good right now keeping it in.

XOXO,

B

Dear B: 14 year old girl and just need to talk to someone who i dont know. I have an eating disorder which developed last summer. I lost 20 kilos, got depressed,wentto hospitalfor6 weeks, came out, finally settled back into school and im so happy at the moment but now my anorexia has gone completely the opposite way and i binge. i feel like shit as soon as im home because i start eating :( 

Dear Fourteen,

You are so young to be this unhappy babygirl. Have you sought professional help from a therapist for your eating disorder? I’m sure that’s the last thing you want to hear but please consider it. They could help you better than I could.

Don’t ever feel bad for eating, which is hard to do considering your past with eating disorders. Eating is a good thing. I’m proud of you that you are eating period. It sounds like you have come very far from being in the hospital for that long. But it worries me because you said you feel like shit because you start eating - please don’t ever let this led to purging either. There is nothing wrong with eating, sweetie.

I’m not sure what caused your eating disorder but whatever the reason - I don’t even have to know who you are or see you to know that you are a beautiful strong person who shouldn’t have to feel this way. 

Please consider what I said about seeking professional help. Therapists can work wonders - it’s their job to help you recover from things like these.

You can overcome this. I promise. I’m always here.

XOXO,

B

Dear B: I'm super depressed lately because my boyfriend broke up with me. I don't really want him back but I can't seem to get over it. What should I do? 

Dear Heartbroken,

Breakups are hard whether they happened a year ago or yesterday. Trust me. I know. We all do. 

You said that you’re depressed because he broke up with you - if he dumped you (assuming that it wasn’t because you did anything - i.e. he just wants space) then you shouldn’t waste your time being sad. He let you go - his loss. Go out & do something fun with your new single status. Grab some of your chicks & go shopping - go out to dinner - see a movie - go to a party - have a girls night. If you’re over 21 - the bar scene is something I would not recommend UNLESS you have a pact with your wing-women that you will NOT go home with anyone from the bar. It’s fun but rebounding by hooking up with strangers is not the way you want to get over him. 

You also said you don’t really want him back but you can’t seem to get over it. Completely normal. This is completely cliche but - TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS. Time will pass, everything will fade. If you scrape your knee it’s going to hurt like hell for a couple of days but eventually it will heal. You just need time.

Find a hobby or something that distracts you from your thoughts. This is especially helpful. If you find another guy - take things slow. Don’t make him your rebound - whatever you do. 

Finally, if you aren’t interested in being friends with your ex after the breakup or potentially getting back together - cut off contact. You don’t have to be rude but if it’s going to make you have to be constantly reminded of the situation then you have to do what’s best for yourself & cut the tie.

Hope this helps sweetie!

XOXO,

B

Dear B: I recently came to the conclusion that I am an extremely jealous person. I get jealous at the tiniest thing. For instance, if my boyfriend were to talk about a past friend that may be female I immediately get jealous and give him the third degree asking questions that have NOTHING to do with the topic. How can I get over this jealousy it's driving us both crazy. 

Dear Jealous Girlfriend,

This is a tricky one. In my personal experience my jealously has actually lead me to the truth vs. if I would have believed what my “boyfriend” said. Then again, that’s not always the case. Here’s a couple of things that you might want to consider:

How long have you been together? Normally everyone goes through the first couple months of the honeymoon stage. Your significant other does no wrong and you don’t have any disagreements or fights. Everything is paradise. You have no doubts about the person because why would you - they are such a great person. BUT HERE’S THE THING. If you haven’t been together that long & you’re already having doubts about the person this early into the relationship you probably need to investigate PRIVATELY (not blowing up your boyfriends phone askin’ all them questions) and figure out what it is that’s bothering you - do you feel like they won’t be faithful - do you feel like you aren’t good enough for them - etc. etc.

If you have been together for a longer period of time, I think it’s completely normal to feel jealously every now and then. You’ve been together for a while it’s no secret & you’re scared that he’s going to get tired of you or what something fresh & new. You need to sit down and talk to your boyfriend and explain the reason why you feel the way you do sometimes - whatever they may be. Make a list beforehand so you have your thoughts in order. It’s important that you don’t make a fight over this, that won’t help anything trust me. The only reason I think you should talk about it is because if you are in a long term relationship you should feel comfortable having conversations with your partner. If you don’t feel comfortable having this conversation you probably need to re-evaluate and assess the situation. If you feel your partner will get mad or break up with you over this - you probably should move on anyways. Successful relationships only work when there is communication & understanding & TRUST.

This is the part you should take with caution. Sometimes your jealously is trying to tell you something. You get the feeling that your boyfriend and another female are flirting or having an affair. Don’t confront him on it. Proceed with caution. Try to figure things out for yourself in a subtle way. Don’t give him any reason to think that you doubt him because after all, there might not be anything to the situation. However, if you see extreme changes that you can’t deny that makes you think otherwise (affectionate touches - strange text messages - strange behavior from your partner - hard evidence like a bra that isn’t yours etc.) then you need to have a calm rational talk. none of this WHY YOU LYING stuff.

Last but not least, assuming you are female - females are crazy bitches. Seriously. I can say this because I’m female obviously & I know. I’ve been there before. Crazy Bitch Syndrome. We have been screwed over before & we are surrounded by the idea that men do wrong and they are all dogs who will lie cheat & steal so of course with that implanted in our heads we are constantly on guard. Some girl you’ve never heard of adds your boyfriend on Facebook. You immediately ask who she is. Maybe she’s an ex girlfriend. Maybe he’s cheating on you. Maybe he thinks she’s prettier than me etc etc. Whatever your thought is. Before you send that text or start accusing - FUCKING STOP IT. Don’t do it unless you have solid proof, (SEE ABOVE DESCRIPTION OF SOLID PROOF). Most of the time our own insecurities get to us & make us wonder why anyone would even want to be with us so all the tiny thoughts we have start to run away with us & form into theories like HE IS SLEEPING WITH HER OH MY GOD. With that in mind, think about it RATIONALLY. If it’s still bothering you - talk to him about it.

I hope this helps - or at least gives you something to think about.

XOXO,

B

Introduction:

Hi, I’m B. I’m your equivalent of Dear Abby. I made this blog for anyone who needs somewhere to turn. The ask box is hearby officially open, fill free to spill your guts. 

XOXO,

B